Hey, Jim, I know we’ve had some issues lately, and while I would love to work them out, I would much rather not dread coming to work every day. So I’m leaving. The cat’s bowl is next to the apron basket outside. I will bring her food every two weeks; you have to feed her. And no, she can’t just hunt for her own food anymore but do expect a mangled snake to appear every Tuesday night. She knows we’re least busy then. 

Also, when Jennifer and her poppa come in, make sure to bring dessert first. They’ll ask for a plain cheesecake with cherries and strawberry drizzle.

When Johnny, the food supplier asks for Cherry Pepsi to-go bring a Cherry Coke with a splash of Ginger Ale. He won’t know the difference.

Mom told me this wouldn’t work, Jimmy, and she was right. I still love you, but you had no right to do what you did.