In first grade my favorite color was blue, but blue was a boy color, so I changed it to pink.

Pink is safe.

In second grade, I made up worksheets because I liked to learn, but that was nerdy, so I watched TV instead.

TV is for safe.

In third grade, I wrote my first story, but it was sad, so I threw it away.

Silence is safe.

In fourth grade, I didn’t like boys, but that was weird, so I dated my best friend.

Boys are safe.

In fifth grade, I wanted to be pretty, but I was told that I wasn’t, so I stopped telling myself I was.

Acceptance is safe.

As a child, this was the first phase of my conscious effort to form my identity as an acceptable member for society.

That summer, I wrote a book.

That year, in sixth grade, I started to read by myself.

The next year, in seventh grade, I stopped liking pink.

The year after that, in eighth grade, I tried to feel pretty again.

As a person, this was the second phase of my conscious effort to form my identity as a woman.

In ninth grade, I wanted to be pretty, so I made myself small.

In tenth grade, I wanted to be pretty, so I made myself malleable.

In eleventh grade, I wanted to be pretty, so I made myself quiet.

As a woman, this was the third phase of my conscious effort to form my identity as feminine.

Now, in this year, I want to be pretty, so I tell myself I am atypical.

Now, in this year, I want to be smart, so I learn about others.

Now, in this year, I want to be kind, so I am active in it.

As a feminine woman, this is my fourth phase of my conscious effort to form my identity as an individual.

Individuality is not the act of becoming your own version of what you’ve been told to be, but rather the act of becoming yourself, despite what you’ve been told to be.